Maniac’s Mountain: Do You Think He’s Dead?

Written by the award-winning columnist Mark Jamison (aka “Maniac”) of Jackson County, NC, Maniac’s Mountain features many of the characters that populate Jamison’s rural life — human or animal. PPNC Exclusive columns feature the outrageously fearless foursome of Maniac, Otis the three-legged dog, Mellow the feline, and Spooky Cat. Most columns arrive in the wee hours by email, and are kept as true-to-email-form as possible; thus they carry a standing “potentially X-rated” warning.


Otis: Do you think he’s dead?

Mellow: Better fucking not be, the food dish is only half full.

Spooky Cat: Dead, heh, heh, heh, like death, killing burning, fire ….

Otis (to SC): Has anyone ever suggested that you’re just a little weird?

Spooky Cat: Has anyone ever suggested you’re a happy idiot? And by the way you sniffed my butt. I’m telling #METOO dude, @MeToo.

Otis: Hey that was consensual — you stuck your butt in my face.

Spooky Cat: No means no — Hiss means stop ‑— read the signs — read my mind -—you, you you aggressor you!

Otis: Oh, I thought Hiss meant you were a bipolar fucking idiot. Purr … hiss … purr … hiss .Mixed messages, Dude.

Mellow: OK, folks — I hate to go all Tucker-fucking-Carlson on you but there is no such thing as inter-species harassment. That’s simply politically correct elitism spewed by LibTards in their attempt to neuter our basic fundamental rights to wear bow ties and be pigs.

Maniac: Playing with the internet again?

Mellow: Fox News — Embrace the Oxymoron; Own Your Cognitive Dissonance; or (looking at Spooky Cat) Fairly Unbalanced. By the way, some dream, huh?

Maniac: What dream?

Mellow: You were singing “We Are the Lollipop Guild” between mumbling something about the Revolution will not be televised and begging not to be waterboarded with insurance forms.

Otis: Talking so not dead. Still feeling shitty, Pops?

Maniac: Not so good, but I think I’ll make it

Otis, Mellow, Spooky Cat: Fill the food dishes — now — before you go under again.

Maniac: Nice to know you care.

Spooky Cat: (wrapped in a little white lab coat and holding a rectal thermometer): Let’s play doctor!

Maniac: Where did you get that stuff?

Spooky Cat: Props department.

Maniac: Props department? (Chorus in the background: “We are the Lollipop Guild”; a line of bunny boom booms doing the Can-Can.)

Maniac: Maybe I’m dreaming not … feeling … well ….

Otis: Mellow, you sure those mushrooms were safe?

Mellow: We’ll find out pretty soon. I think he’s starting to see the pretty colors.

Spooky Cat: Let’s take his temperature.

Maniac: Guys, I think I need some more rest ….

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    PoliticallyPurpleNC examines -- from a nonpartisan angle -- the legislative decisions of the North Carolina General Assembly and their potential effects on the citizens of the state. It does so in a setting that includes context -- historical background and social implications. PPNC encourages rational, nonpartisan evaluation and advocacy for the good of the whole.
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